very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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