I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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