1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
