I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
