How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my being single is dangerous.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
