Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
