everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
