Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
