dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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