i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
