im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
