Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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