after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
