i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
