I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
