hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
