we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
smell my finger.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
