I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
