I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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