yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
