toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
