can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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