I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
