Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
