I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
