no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
