Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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