Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
