She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
