Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
