____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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