whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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