I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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