While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
