It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
