Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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