I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Drake has all the answers
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
