Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize