he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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