About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
