Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
