Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
