Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize