You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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