there was a trapeze. enough said
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Come share oat with me in your robe
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
