i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
