Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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