I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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