You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
