Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Your penis caused this!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
