I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
