covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
