oh god the rape fog is back!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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