I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
