Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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