the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
how drunk are you?
Several
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
