i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
