Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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