quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
