After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
