I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize