I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize