dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize