I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
