Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Mom said you looked used
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
