I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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