just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
