So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
