i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize