he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
