there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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