i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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