Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
