It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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