Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
