He uses pillows to masturbate.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
