I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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