and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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